the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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