well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
