This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
