Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
