somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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