His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
