If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize