Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
