I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
