A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
