How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
