Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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