You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
