I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just googled if crying burns calories
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
