We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize