This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize