I'm so fucking centered right now
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize