every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
