It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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