I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
