Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
