3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
