He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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