so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
