Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
