i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
