the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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