i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
