I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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