We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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