I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
