Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
