It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
