Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
