dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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