I wish life had little blips of pornography
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
