Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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