Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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