Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
