this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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