And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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