you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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