So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
