What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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