just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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