Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
