Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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