he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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