and you said cock pushups were impossible
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
