He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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