but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
