Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
