she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He kissed a someone with a penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
