You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
