She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
