Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
