Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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