I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
