Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
