I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Text me some of your sweat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
