you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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