Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
