No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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