Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize