there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
