She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
