I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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