i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
