well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
