I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
